The Sober Intervention always starts with a full gathering of as many of the family and friends as are able to join us, but we never include the addict or the alcoholic at this stage. It’s vitally important that they do not know that we’re meeting to discuss them and their addiction. Between three and six people is a good number.
Agree that you will maintain complete confidentiality and that no one will inform the addict / alcoholic. This is so important.
During this first consultation we’ll be discussing the facts about the addict, and noting all the harmful behaviour that you’ve all observed. You’ll be explained how and why we write everything down in letter format which will be read out to the addict during the actual Sober Intervention.
We’ll be focussing on the 3 parts of this letter

• Absolute Love
• Complete Honesty
• Strong Boundaries

We shall be planning what each of the group will say and in which order.

We will examine how we believe the addict will react and what barriers they’ll throw up. We want to be able to completely anticipate their answers beforehand and have all our answers ready to fully address their denials, tears, anger and so forth.

Whoever is leading the Sober Intervention (from Sober Services) will work individually with everyone to ensure that the letters are well written and that everyone is able to stick to the plan of action, especially the Strong Boundaries in the 3rd We’ll also make sure there’s enough Absolute Love throughout without judgement, and that the Complete Honesty is a fair assessment and factual rather than assumed.Between each section of the letter the phrase “Will you accept the help we’re giving you today?” will be inserted. This will be repeated throughout the Sober Intervention and will become like a mantra for the addict / alcoholic to keep hearing.The Sober Interventionist will arrange to have individual consultations over the phone or via skype, to make sure everyone’s letter is written in the correct manner.
Every person will email their letter to the Sober Interventionist so each one has a copy whilst talking through it and looking for ways to improve the letter.

In best case scenarios, we’ll then meet face to face a second time with the whole group, but again without the addict / alcoholic’s knowledge.We will do a read through dress rehearsal and understand the way the actual Sober Intervention will flow on the day.We will continue to discuss as many of the possible reactions that the addict / alcoholic may come back to us with so that you’re fully prepared to confront their addictive disease.

The result of the Sober Intervention is that the Addict / Alcoholic will be escorted either by the Sober Interventionist or by the family to a residential facility on the very same day.
This means that there’s plenty to be discussed and agreed upon before the actual Sober Intervention.

Choosing the right treatment facility will depend on a great deal of different factors including location, culture, length of programme, detox facilities, and maybe most importantly, budget.

Sober Services will help you make the right choice and will set up all the connections for a smooth admission on the day.
We’ll need to make sure that we’re able to pack the addict’s bag and that a passport is available if they need to travel by air. We need to make sure their diary will not throw up any objections that will override the decision to accept the help we’re trying to give them. Things like Court Cases, or Weddings, or important work commitments will need to be discussed and overcome.

It is always best to do the Sober Intervention as early in the day as practical. This allows us to do the Sober Intervention before the Addict / Alcoholic is intoxicated and hopefully will have them in a position where their body cries out to them for help in some form or ever, making it easier for them to accept our help before they have to go out and drink or use.

Remember, this is about offering a graceful exit to their addiction, not making it feel like they’ve been forced.We will also agree on who the leading member of the family and friends will be. This is the person whom the Addict respects or listens to the most, often one of the Parents, though not always. It could be a spouse or sibling or even one of the elder children.

We will have a specific seating plan that the Sober Interventionist would have configured and everyone will need to be there on time ahead of the Addict / Alcoholic’s arrival.
There will be a specific order of reading the letters out too, so everyone will know exactly when to speak and when not to. We will ask everyone to maintain a formal atmosphere and for everyone to behave politely and not to become agitated or aggressive. Similarly, no one should feel scared or threatened.

When the Addict / Alcoholic arrives, the leading family member speaks calmly and says “We are all here because we love you and are concerned about you. ”We don’t need to use the words addict or alcoholic, but every sentence should begin with the words ”I” or “We”, and avoid using “You”. For instance, “I am upset about how you are drinking and upsetting the children” or “We are here to help you to overcome your addiction challenge.”

The Sober Interventionist will introduce themselves and ask the Addict / alcoholic whether they believe they have a problem and need help first of all. This could be over very quickly and often they do accept the help at this stage as they look at the faces gathered in the room. If he or she denies a problem then we proceed to go around the room (in the pre-agreed order) as each person reads out their letter.
Allow the Addict / Alcoholic to answer each person’s letter but don’t agree with them. Avoid accusations or anger and simply move to the next person in the circle. At the end of each persons letter remind the addict / alcoholic that you love him or her, and that you don’t want them to destroy their life.

The Sober Interventionist will be continually assessing the situation and will not accept it when the addict / alcoholic tries to say that they will seek treatment “later”. This is not acceptable. This meeting is an ultimatum, and we must be prepared to overcome every objection as they arise. It will be difficult, but the Sober Interventionist will help the Addict / Alcoholic deal with whatever anger, denial or resistance comes up. We don’t want the Addict / Alcoholic to feel as if everyone has ganged up on them, but we must be united and strong to succeed and we must not cave in to their illness.

In most cases, the Addict / Alcoholic will agree to go to treatment as per our agreed plan. In the rare occasions that they doesn’t happen immediately then that doesn’t mean we’ve failed, but will mean that our efforts will start a chain reaction of events that will ultimately lead them to change their mind once the boundaries are enabled. In addition, you’ve made it known that you will no longer enable his or her behaviour and that their addiction, however they consider it is approaching the end of it’s life cycle – the game is up. Life will never be the same for the Addict / Alcoholic, whatever happens next. They’ll know that in order to maintain the balance and unity of the family structure that they’ll need to address their addiction, and they’ll always be thinking about it, until they do decide to accept the help we’ve been offering them.